August 21, 2011 § Leave a comment
For a time after you lose someone, in whatever way that person was lost to you, you find you can no longer do certain things the same way you did before. There’s several reasons why: you miss them and simply reminds you too much of what you lost, you can’t finish without crying (you cry so much anyways), not to mention feeling so sad, but still unable to cry at times. Looking around, you remember things about that person, finding them in places they may never have ever been.
August 10, 2011 § Leave a comment
“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.”
-The Giver by Lois Lowry
I’m waiting, simply waiting.
July 29, 2011 § 1 Comment
Go for an adventure today!
Go to the park, anywhere, with water and a book, just enjoy the lovely outdoors without the busy buzzz of life!
July 26, 2011 § Leave a comment
I’m feeling very content today and it’s because of a simple reason: worship. I am blessed to be working at a Hebraic-Christian bookstore and business is slow today. I was given time this morning to dance and sing to some great worship songs. Before you get all confused on me and think what is she doing dancing and how is that worship, trust me, it is. It’s a form of dance called Hebraic dance or Davidic dance. It’s usually done in a circle because G-d and His love are never ending. He is the beginning and the end, the Aleph and Tav (first and last letters in the Hebrew alephbeit.)
Worshipping through dance is what first truly drew me to the Messiah in an intimate reltionship. I hadn’t danced before (ballet and tap for one summer when I was four counts) so it was entirely new to me. I got ‘personal’ lessons the first couple of weeks because no one else showed up, haha. At first it took me a little bit to catch on to the steps and varying sequences. Slowly, I began to understand it even though I lacked grace. I had fun and thus kept it up.
On Friday evenings when myself and some other like-minded believers met in a home to share and Erev Shabbat dinner, we would dance. That’s where I learned how to worship. It was okay if I messed up, we just kept moving. As I fell into the groove and was comfortable with the steps I was able to stop thinking about what my feet were doing, I could sing. My movements were no longer an attempt to do the correct step, but an effort to please my King with my worship and praise.
Now, the third phase of my journey in worship through dance. By this point, about two and a half years into dancing, I was completely comfortable with it. I looked for the chance to learn challenging new dances from Youtube, camp or traveling dance teachers. When a song was played during worship time at congregation that there was no dance choreographed for, I simply began dancing. By a gift from G-d, I’m able to dance to anything I hear even if it’s the first time I’ve heard it. Because G-d has allowed me to be able to do this, I am able to lead a group of dancers in worship when an unfamiliar song is played. I cannot explain how, but just hearing the first few notes I know or feel what steps to do. I simply know. My doing this stemmed from a desire to dance even if no one else was, staying in that mode of worship speacial to me. I believe G-d rewarded my earnestness with the gift of telling me what to do.
My favourite way to learn a dance is to jump right in with no explanation (it’s a grand challenge); however, that rarely happens because most people prefer to be taught step-by-step instead of figuring it out themselves. Two Yom Teruah’s ago (Feast of Trumpets) a congregation I was attending at the time hosted a special retreat weekend with a teacher, worship leader, and two dance leaders. At this time I had been dancing for about four years. As worship time started we began forming the dance circles with the congregation in a large outer circle and the two dance instructors making a small two-person circle in the middle. When we started dancing, I was amazed to find that I was able to follow perfectly and did not make a false step. Yes, I was paying attention and the dances are simple, but I credit that to G-d because I would have messed up on my own seeing that I’m human and fallible. On the last morning the dance leaders spoke words of encouragement to me that I still hold dear today.
For close to six years now, I’ve been dancing and worshipping. Some of the dances are fun and goofy, others spontaneous, yet not less worshipful than the ones danced time and time again. Dance gave me a creative way to express my worship that I had previously lacked. It allowed me to use gifts G-d had given me that had been dormant.
Where am I now? It has been a long time since I have danced, just danced as I did this morning, in awe, delighting and rejoicing. I am restarting something I didn’t quite stop, but neglected. I am sharing my story and preparing for the next place I am going. One of my purposes in life is to teach people to dance. I am so blessed to know the closeness to the Creator dance can bring and I greatly enjoy sharing it with other people. Life is a dance. How you interact with poeple, eating, everything you do. Your costume is your actions, the fruit of what you do is how you are seen. Is your dance beautiful, filled with grace and joy or is it choppy and ugly?
Much love and hope, -M~